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29 quotes by Dave Attell

Dave Attell (born January 18, 1965) is an American stand-up comedian, writer and actor, best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell and The Gong Show with Dave Attell. Born in Queens, New York, he grew up in Rockville Centre, New York and now lives in New York City.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no... →

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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

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Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.

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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them.... →

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You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.

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A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a... →

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I don't watch reality TV.

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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

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I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I... →

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I'm a stand-up comic. Anything else I do besides that is a plus, but stand-up comedy is what I do, it's what I've been doing and it's... →

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I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show.

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