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46 quotes by Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller (born November 3, 1953) is an American stand-up comedian, talk show host, political commentator, sports commentator, actor, television personality, and radio personality. He rose to fame as a cast member of Saturday Night Live in 1985, and subsequently hosted a string of his own talk shows on HBO, CNBC and in syndication. Miller currently hosts a daily, three-hour, self-titled talk radio program, nationally syndicated by Westwood...
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The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

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It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought... →

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Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

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There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

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A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

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I rant, therefore I am.

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Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

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The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put... →

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Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they... →

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Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the... →

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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

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