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50 quotes by Fred Allen

Fred Allen (born John Florence Sullivan; May 31, 1894 – March 17, 1956) was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically pointed radio show (1932–1949) made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio. His best-remembered gag was his long-running mock feud with friend and fellow comedian Jack Benny, but it was only part of his appeal; radio historian John Dunning (in On the Air: The...
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The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

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I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

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Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

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Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

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I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

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The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

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It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their... →

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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

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A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

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