Jackie Mason (born June 9, 1931) is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor. Read full biography of Jackie Mason →
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Predictions are preposterous.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's... →
I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture... →
If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what... →
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they... →
Jackie Mason (born June 9, 1931) is an American stand-up comedian and film and television actor.