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30 quotes by Jim Gaffigan

James Christopher "Jim" Gaffigan (born July 7, 1966) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. His memoir, Dad Is Fat (2013) and his most recent book, Food: A Love Story (2014), are both published by Crown Publishers.
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Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

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Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become... →

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As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al... →

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I'm from Indiana. I know what you're thinking, Indiana... Mafia. But in Indiana it's not like New York where everyone's like... →

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You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

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Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

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My whole comic persona is that of a guy who explores the id: I romanticize gluttony, I romanticize laziness, and people identify with that.

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No one goes into standup to make money. The frustration and rejection are just too much.

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When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely... →

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Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

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I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

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Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both... →

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I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

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