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40 quotes by Les Dawson

Les Dawson Born Leslie Dawson, Jr. (1931-02-02)2 February 1931 Collyhurst, Manchester, England Died 10 June 1993(1993-06-10) (aged 62) Whalley Range, Manchester, England Cause of death Heart attack Nationality English Occupation Comedian and novelist Years active 1959 – 1993 Known for Comedy and stage Spouse(s) Margaret Dawson (1960-1986) (her death) Tracey Dawson (1989-1993) (his death) Leslie "Les" Dawson, Jr. (2 February...
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In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the... →

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I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

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I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're... →

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My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.'

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The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't... →

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

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I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's... →

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I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

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My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

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Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and... →

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My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

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I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

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