The island Mayo is generally barren, being dry, as I said; and the best of it is but a very indifferent soil.
William Dampier
I phoned this number and said, Please, sir, I want to be an actor.
Charles Dance
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep... →
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
I'm a huge Emile Zola fan, and when Bill Gallagher said he was writing a new character for 'The Paradise' and had me in mind for the... →
Ben Daniels